In the Midst of Real Tragedy (free flow of thought)

Peace Good People,

Peace Evil People,

This entry is really for everyone. I know that I was leaving myspace for good, but this needs to be said. I've been holding this entry captive in my heart for a long time. I think it is ready to be freed. I know that most of my blogs are a mixture of philosophy, science, theory, memories, and aspirations. Well, this one will be no different. As I sit in my quad at FIEA (www.fiea.ucf.edu), I complain about the amount of work slammed down on us from our professors. I'm held hostage by Rapid Prototypes, Production Papers, Programming Pop Quizzes, 3D Artistic Endeavors, Life Art, and Underground Live Development. My life is jam-packed like early 80s fashion. I love every minute of it, too. Now, I overstand how a woman or man loves their abusive significant other. I'm in heaven by surviving video game development hell. Yes, I'm getting my arse handed to me on a daily basis. But, I love the abuse. Even in my complaints, I'm happy. I'm doing good work. I'm busting my arse. I'm being the best damn producer possible. It my work is reflective of great effort and product. But, school lets me know that it isn't enough to be the best. She keeps telling me to be better. School is the perfect girlfriend pushing me to the limits and beyond. She is making me a better boyfriend. I love her for it. After her, I'll be a better man. Yes, most relationships are based around grooming. It just so happens that school is grooming me. However, as I wallow in my painful grooming, real tragedy is taking place around the world.

Tragedy seems to hover over the heads of my loved ones. This year, I've had friends lose their parents, significant others, grandparents, and children. To think, I have the audacity to complain about not making an "A!" How superficial and shallow have I become this year? Real tragedy is happening around me, yet I worry about school. How dare I complain about my lavish grad school life, while death lurks in the lives of my loved ones? How dare I spew words of dissatisfaction about people in my cohort when my family and friends are facing hardships- financially, socially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. While two-double-oh-seven is a good year for me, it has been an awful year for others. Well, I got into grad school to study a desired career wet dream. I'm surrounded by creative people. (Day 2 writing) Every day, I wake up ecstatic about my daily grind. I am also developing Underground Live with my PNC (partner-in-creativity), Bobby Craft. I'm learning what it really takes to be a successful producer by using my business prowess and creative juices in a single concerto. Moreover, I'm in grad school soaking up raw uncut game in a booming entertainment industry, video games. Both, Underground Live and FIEA, run hand and hand in learning business vernacular. Yet, I have the nerve to complain about not having enough time or energy to dedicate to both ventures. However, I have the time to write these words on paper. Isn't life crazy.

(Day 3 writing)

I have the ability to write in a world where the poor majority cannot read or write. Now, that is tragic! I can openly express my distress about my homeland and my life in a world where the poor majority cannot openly express themselves. Now, that's tragic! I woke up this morning to a nutritious breakfast. I allow food spoil in my refrigerator. Yet, the world's majority does not wake up to a breakfast and plush living. Tragedy surrounds me in micro and macro proportions, yet I complain about my plush lifestyle. For my complaints, I have committed the great sin of taking what I have for granted. I should know better because I grew up in a household that provided everything by the skin on their teeth. I didn't have much growing up, yet my parents made sure my brother and I had everything that a child and teenager needed and wanted. It was more than love. It was more than discipline. It was more than life lessons. It was more than sacrifice. My parents gave themselves to me and my brother. They committed to our growth more than their own growth. I received more from my family than ninety percent of the world's population receives from life. Beyond family life, I've experienced things that the world's majority have not or cannot dream. I'm always surrounded by beautiful people. I'm supported on all sides by the people in my life. As my time passes like Joe Montana, I'm able to receive more great experiences than Jerry Rice and score big on all my receptions. Yet, I complain while real tragedy plagues the world like a dark fog looming overhead. On that note, I apologize to you the reader, the have-nots, the appreciative haves, the gods and goddess, and most of all the ones that are suffering in tragedy. I'm sorry for not respecting your tragedy more than my pseudo-tragic life of luxury. Life has a way of humbling people. Life has humbled me in my good year by causing tragedy in the lives of my loved ones. For each of them, I shed a tear of sorrow. For their tragedy, this year has not been good to me.

Love and Peace Good People